Ratt stands alone on the ship. He snaps a telescope from the holster on his hip as if grabbing an oversized gun, then brings it to his eye. He practices the move a few times, and only stops when Spatt enters, holding what looks like a divining rod. He only has one hand; a ladle has replaced the other. Spatt 'follows' the rod as if under its spell, humming a chant. He is stopped in his tracks when Ratt blocks his path. The rod is practically planted in Ratt's stomach before Spatt is drawn out of his reverie.
RATT:	What're you lookin' for?
SPATT:	Coconuts. (Beat) You're not a coconut.
RATT:	I'm the captain. (Beat) What the heck is that?
SPATT:	Somewhere on this ship is a bunch of coconuts. I aim to find 'em with this. The market lady told me it's for finding coconuts.
RATT:	A 'coconut compass'. Is that it?
SPATT:	Yeah! Didn't cost me much, neither.
RATT:	You paid for it?!
SPATT:	Yeah. (Beat) I mean no. Never! No way.
RATT:	It didn't cost you much time, is what you mean to say.
SPATT:	Yeah. That's what I meant to say. Only you said it better. 'Cause you're the captain and I'm...I'm...
RATT:	You're looking for coconuts with that useless stick. And when you find them, these coconuts. What're you going to do?
		Spatt shows Ratt the contraption he carries with him like a beloved pet. It is box-shaped, has a rotating lever on one side and bears a resemblance to an organ grinder's box.
SPATT:	I think – maybe – I can't say for sure, but I was wondering if this is for, you know, mashing coconuts.
RATT:	We took it. (Beat) It's ours. (Beat) It is what we says it is.
SPATT:	You mind if I look for coconuts just the same? You know. To put this coconut compass to good use.
RATT:	Make it quick.
		Spatt forges ahead, desperate to prove the rod's worth. He begins to scour the ship for coconuts, adding to the mess that's already there. A moment later Knat arrives on deck, pushing a wheelbarrow overflowing with books. As he brings the wheelbarrow to a stop a heap of books tumble onto the deck.
RATT:	What have we got here?
KNAT:	Books.
RATT:	I can see that. (Beat) What kind of books?
KNAT:	I've been thinking of...expanding my horizons.
RATT:	What's wrong the horizons you got?
KNAT:	Nothing. But...
RATT:	But...?
KNAT:	I've been itching for a change.
RATT:	You have, have you? Trouble is, Knat, you go expandin' your horizons and pretty soon your horizons will be bigger than mine. We can't have that, can we?
KNAT:	(Beat) No.
		Ratt whips out his telescope in true gunslinger fashion.
RATT:	I've got the biggest horizons. You'd be wise to keep yours where they belong.
KNAT:	I will.
		Ratt peers through the telescope and scans the horizon.
SPATT:	(Emerging like a mole from a pile of clothes) Nuthin!
		Ratt keeps his telescope at his eye and sets his sights on the mess Spatt has made.
RATT:	Look at the bloody mess you're making!
KNAT:	Don't go rearranging or altercanging things around now. We like things the way they are.
RATT:	(Nodding) The way they's always been.
		Knat notices Spatt's divining rod, and the collection of fetid clothes that now dangle from it.
KNAT:	What's that?
SPATT:	A coconut compass. I need a coconut.
KNAT:	What are you talking about?
		Spatt displays the contraption, the secrets of which he's determined to unlock.
SPATT:	This. It might be for mashing coconuts. It might be. I don't know. (Beat) What's the point of stealing something if we don't know what it's for?
RATT:	Because it belongs to someone else.
SPATT:	We should have, I don't know, asked them how it works before we stole it.
RATT:	Like...(low)...instructions?
SPATT:	Yeah, instructions. (Beat) Why not?
RATT:	Because we're pirates!! We steal first and then ask questions.
KNAT:	(Reflective) We never ask questions.
RATT:	We don't need to. There's nuthin' we can learn that we don't already know.
SPATT:	(Fiddling with the contraption) A manual would help. You know. For this.
RATT:	And where would we be if we needed manuals and instructions and – (looks pointedly at Knat) – books to tell us what to do? Where would we be? Hmmm?
SPATT:	Nowhere.
RATT:	Nowhere worth thinkin' about. Which is why we's going somewhere.
		Pulls out a map and points with a flourish.
RATT:	Pakamula. Unclaimed. Untouched. (Beat) Understand?
S/K:	Aye, aye, Sir.
RATT:	Aye, aye, Captain Sir.
SPATT:	Aye, aye, Sir Captain Sir! (Desperate to please) With a cherry on top. (Beat) A big cherry. A cherry bigger than your horizons. And I've seen your horizons, Sir. Sir Captain Sir. They're big. Bigger than cherries.
RATT:	Time to set sail, boys. The Shark de Triomphe is on the hunt.
		All three pirates hoist the tattered sails and break out into song as they ply the rough seas.
	Ballad of the Shark de Triomphe
RATT:	Oh, the Shark de Triomphe and its fearless crew Roam far and long and wide We're not the type you have for tea, We're more the thorn in your side. We plunder what pleases us and throw away the rest, When it comes to downright thievery we really are the best.
	CHORUS (All three sing) You've never met a pirate 'til you've met the likes of us, We aren't very likeable: we smell, we cheat, we cuss. Our motto is so simple and plain for all to see. "What's yours is ours, what's ours is ours, 'Til the end of eternity.
SPATT:	One day we landed on an isle Full of bright and precious jewels, The locals gathered 'round and asked, 'Are you kind or are you cruel?' We looked at them straight in the eye and never did we blink, We robbed them blind – took everything! And thought our ship would sink.
	Repeat chorus
KNAT:	Some pirates are rather friendly, You might call some polite. Others want to steal the sun, And rule over the night. We're cut from a different cloth, you see, we dance to a different tune: We aim to steal the sun and stars, then we'll nab the moon!
	Repeat chorus
		As the song dies down Ratt notices Knat has abandoned his post and is reading a book.
RATT:	What's that you're doin'?
KNAT:	Reading.
RATT:	Your nose in a book instead of your eyes on the sea?
KNAT:	It's a real infactopedia, this one. Everything you want to know about plumbing.
RATT:	And why wouldya want to know everythin' about plumbing?
SPATT:	'Cause he smokes a pipe?
		Ratt and Knat cannot believe the depths of Spatt's dimness.
KNAT:	Like I said. I'm thinkin' about a change. (Beat) A career change.
RATT:	And you think changin' careers is like changin' underwear?
SPATT:	We don't change our underwear.
RATT:	And we don't change careers! We're pirates. I'm a pirate. My father was a pirate. My grandfather was a pirate. My father's father, too. It's in our blood.
SPATT:	Bloody pirates!
		Ratt gives Spatt another withering look.
KNAT:	I never asked to be a pirate.
RATT:	You're not asked. You're told.
SPATT:	I signed up. The sign at the post office said, "Wanted! Pirates!"
RATT:	(Beat) We've got King and Country behind us. We've gotta get to Pakamula before the Huskarians do. You know what you'll find on Pakamula?
SPATT:	Mulas?
		Ratt can barely contain his disdain for Spatt.
SPATT:	Pakas?
RATT:	Feathers. The feathers of the whiffle bird. Feathers that turn pillows into clouds. Feathers that can tickle your fancy.
SPATT:	I don't have a fancy.
RATT:	(Beat) Feathers worth a fortune back home.
		Ratt notices Knat is paying little attention. He walks over, tears the book out of Knat's hands and tosses it into the sea.
KNAT:	That's my book!
RATT:	This is my ship!
		Knat looks like he's about to go head-to-head with Ratt...then backs down. Something catches Spatt's eye. He points to where the book was tossed.
SPATT:	Bait! The book's become bait!
		All three pirates look at the book bobbing in the sea.
KNAT:	You're lookin' at lunch!
RATT:	Catch it before it gets away. (Beat) Get the net, boys.
		Knat and Spat grab a net and toss it into the sea. It's a tough struggle. Whatever they've caught is putting up a real fight.
RATT:	Son of a conch!
KNAT:	This one's got muscles.
RATT:	Could be a shark.
SPATT:	Maybe we'll have shark soup tonight.
KNAT:	Feels....more...like...a...whale.
SPATT:	Maybe whale waffles.
RATT:	I say it's a shark.
KNAT:	Whale.
RATT:	Shark.
KNAT:	Whale!
RATT:	Shark!
KNAT:	(Simultaneously) Whale!
RATT:	(Simultaneously) Shark!
SPATT:	Supper!
RATT:	It's getting away!
		All three are pulled forward toward the ship's railing. They regain their footing and begin to pull back, as if engaging in a tug-of-war.
KNAT:	It's tiring out.
RATT:	One...
KNAT:	Last...
R/S/K:	Pull!!
		The pirates pull with all their might...and topple over one another as their catch lands on the deck. The pirates recover and stand at the ready - forks, knives, napkins - prepared to feast on their haul. After untangling itself from the net the creature emerges: Ku, a woman with a blue nose, holding a yellow spear. The pirates are stunned, not least because of Ku's nose. No one speaks as they size her up, touching their own noses for reassurance, trying to make sense of who she is and where she comes from. When Knat approaches her she thrusts out her spear. He jumps back.
RATT:	That ain't no shark.
KNAT:	Or whale.
SPATT:	It's a...a...
		The pirates circle her, sniffing her and not much liking what they smell. Spatt prods her with a utensil. Ku turns and tries to leap off the ship.
SPATT:	Man overboard!
		The pirates grab Ku, who struggles to jump back into the water.
KNAT:	That ain't no man, Spatty.
RATT:	(Struggling to pull her back) It's... a...struggle.
SPATT:	Struggle overboard!
		They pull her back onto the deck.
SPATT:	What is it?
RATT:	Don't matter. It's ours now.
		Ratt grabs the spear out of Ku's hands. She tries to grab it back but her clumsiness compounds the conflict. She and Ratt have a tug-of-war over the spear, punctuated by Ku's curses in her native dialect.
KU:	Molo topo! Hokokono jofo tio! Geeno! Boseeno! Gorbonono!
		Ratt gives the spear a final tug and claims it as his own.
KU:	Whoa!
SPATT:	Do you speak English? Hablo Englisho?
KU:	Ku!
RATT:	Koo?
KNAT:	(Grinning) You mean - (imitating a pigeon) - Coo! Coo!
		Knat waddles like a pigeon, pecking for food. Spatt shoves Knat aside to get his licks in.
SPATT:	You mean - (imitating a Koo-koo clock) - Koo-koo! Koo-koo!
		Spatt thrusts his head forward and back. Ratt shoves them both aside.
RATT:	You heard her, boys. She said she's koo-koo. She's nuts!
		Ratt puts his finger by the side of his head and rotates it in slow circles, indicating Ku is 'crazy'. Spatt and Knat join in, circling their fingers as they circle around her. Ku endures the shenanigans for only so long before she takes matters into her own hands.
KU:	MY NAME IS KU!
		The pirates stop in their tracks.
KNAT:	You...You speak English!
SPATT:	You're...You have a blue nose!
KU:	So?
		The pirates huddle to work out a retort.
RATT:	What Spatt is sayin' is a blue nose ain't right. It ain't normal.
KU:	What's wrong with my nose?
SPATT:	It's...It's blue.
KNAT:	(Intrigued) Blue...
		He quickly realizes he shouldn't be reacting this way and changes course.
KNAT:	Blue is...is not the same as red!
SPATT:	Red is better.
KU:	Red is different.
RATT:	Red is right!
KU:	It's not right or wrong. It is. Like blue.
SPATT:	We ain't never seen a blue nose before.
KU:	Is the air I breathe blue, too?
		Ku's comment stops them short. They gather in a huddle again to chew Ku's question over. Ku doesn't wait for the reply.
KU:	I breathe the same air as you. (Pause) What are you doing here?
		Ratt can't quite believe what he's just heard.
RATT:	What...What are we doing....(Turns to Spatt and Knat, barely able to speak through his laughter) She...She wants to know what we're doing here.
		All three explode with laughter. Ratt makes a show of unfurling what he believes is a proclamation and makes a show of reading it.
RATT:	We're here for King. For Country. For the Motherland.
KU:	That's an eye chart.
		Ratt tosses the scroll into the sea.
RATT:	Never mind! (Beat) We're on the prowl for the island of Pakamula.
SPATT:	We're prowling pirates.
KNAT:	Navigaping these seas until we sees what we want.
RATT:	I'm Ratt!
SPATT:	I'm Spatt!
KNAT:	I'm Knat!
RATT:	That's Ratt with two T's!
SPATT:	(Holds up three fingers) That's Spatt with two T's, too.
KNAT:	Knat. (Beat) One T. (Beat) No sugar.
		Spatt and Knat have a good laugh, cut short when Ku speaks.
KU:	You're lost.
		Ku takes a small eyeglass she wears around her neck and looks through it as she gazes out at the horizon.
R/S/K:	Lost?
KU:	You're nowhere near Pakamula.
RATT:	How d'you reckon we're lost?
		Ku holds up the eyeglass around her neck.
KNAT:	That sillidiculous piece of glass?
		Ku nods. Ratt laughs, a low laugh that accelerates into raucous laughter. Soon all three pirates are beside themselves, laughing at the size of Ku's eyeglass.
RATT:	Let's show her ours, boys.
		Ratt walks to one end of the deck, picks up a wide but small tube and steps up onto a crate. Spatt grabs one end of the tube and starts walking the length of the deck. We see he's unfolding a telescope as long as the ship itself – so long that Knat supports it at the half-way point. Ratt's self-satisfied laughter says it all. He turns to Ku.
RATT:	Dare to compare?
		The crew continues to strut its oversized telescope. Ku seizes the opportunity to make a quick get away but is snatched back before she has the chance to grab her spear and jump back into the sea.
RATT:	Where d'you think you're goin'?
KU:	Where are you going?
KNAT:	No need to get upstressed. I'm the mapographer here.
		Knat consults the map with an inflated sense of self-importance.
	We're here, and there's a small island just over...
		He looks in direction, searching for the island. He looks in another direction.
	'Cording to our map, there's a small island just by...
		He looks in yet another direction and is beginning to lose face...and hope.
	They don't make maps like they used to.
		He rolls the map into a ball and tosses it overboard. He stands on the ship's railing, desperate to find the island, calling out to it as if it was a lost animal, clicking his tongue and extending his hand.
	Here, island, island. C'mon. Come to Daddy.
KU:	You want to visit Pakamula?
R/S/K:	Visit?!
RATT:	We're gonna invade. We want its treasures.
SPATT:	Its wealth.
KNAT:	Its secrets.
RATT:	We're gonna pillage!
KNAT:	Plunder!
SPATT:	Pluck! (Beat) The feathers of the whiffle bird. We're gonna pluck 'em 'til...'til their plucks fall off.
RATT:	There's one thing we don't want.
S/K:	There is?
		Ratt holds the pause.
RATT:	We don't want the Huskarians to get there first!